just some thinking out loud about: things I am concerned

Just some thinking outloud about things I am concerned about led me to bogging as a means of catharsis.

I am surely concerned about many things that affect me, my family, friends, community, and society as a whole.  These things may be a myriad including statements, actions, situations or perceptions. I understand that I have no control over most of these things. Yet, being the person that I am, I want to control them. At times I think that if the world ran as I would direct it we would all live in a better place and be happy.  At other times I remember that when I run things my way things don’t always work out the best. This understanding has led me to a personal evaluation problem.

Because I am surely concerned about these problems I have developed several questions that I ask myself before attempting to alleviate the situation.  Does the situation actually warrant my consideration? Should I actually be concerned? Should I become involved in the situation? To what extent should I be involved? Will my involvement help alleviate the situation or make it worse? Is my involvement merely to further my own personal desire or do I truly want to help those involved? Just because I am concerned, does the situation warrant action on my part or I am I just being a busybody? Is there a possibility that my involvement will produce positive results or will it aggravate the situation and thereby harm someone? These are the kinds of questions that I ask myself when I consider addressing situations that I am concerned about.

My life experiences place me in a unique position to evaluate concerns that I perceive or am presented with by others. I do not always have the answer but often have experienced a similar if not the same situation. I try only to relate what I did in that situation and what the result was. I am still learning but my past experience can and has at times proven to be valuable to others as well as to me.

just some thinking outloud: addict - stealing

Just some thinking outloud has led me to recognize many frustrations.  Many of my frustrations arise from my compelled interaction with an addict.

My frustration with an addict includes him stealing from me. I'm talking about more than one type of stealing. He steals from me mentally and spiritually as well as materially. The theft of my peace of mind is more upsetting than the actual loss of a physical object.

What I want to talk about right now is the material loss.  Over the years in dealing with an addict I've had many things disappear or take legs and walk off.  I've lost carpentry tools, mechanical tools, lawn and garden tools, incidental valuable articles, and lots of money.  No one of these losses was very large in an of itself  but combined they come to quite a substantial sum.  As these losses occurred, I often said,  "he didn't have to steal that, I would have given it to him." Now I have come to the point that I am not so sure I would give him anything.  I am almost to the point where I'm ready to pursue legal action. I am beginning to believe that he would be better off in jail than continuing to live as he does.

In the past I've bailed him out of jail. That money was never to be seen again. Most of the time I didn't even get a thank you for it. I've come to the point now that I think I will refuse any other request for bail money.

I believe there is a solution to the problem. That solution requires a change. The change must be on the part of the addict. I realize that if he keeps doing the same things in the same way he cannot expect a different result.

just some thinking outloud: addict - lies

Continuing to do  just some thinking outloud has caused me to recognize other frustrations that I have.

I, like so many others, am faced with an addict in my family and I am frustrated. Even though this addict is not a member of my household I must deal with this addict and situations he is involved in much more than I would like. I find that very difficult for me and problematic to the whole family.

The problems that are created, that I must face at times, seem to be just overwhelming. I particularly dislike the lies that he uses to justify his actions. I find it very difficult to accept that the lies that are being told are just a result of the addiction itself. That just doesn't seem to make the fact of the lying any easier to accept.  I want to believe the addict but realize that most of the time what I'm being told is not the truth even when the truth would be simpler and easier.

I'm faced with situations, primarily of arguments within the family, due to the lies or due to the paranoia of the addict.  Other members of the family are drawn into the arguments. This often leads to screaming, yelling, and crying which all have to be dealt with.

How am I supposed to handle it, or do I need to handle it? Can I get away from it?  Should I get away from it? Should I intervene or not intervene? Can't the  addict see what is being done to the family as a result of his actions?

I hope by being required to organize my thoughts enough to put them down in an understandable fashion the action may prove beneficial to me.

just some thinking outloud: addict: relationships

 I have found that some thinking outloud concerning relationships involving an addict has revealed many of my frustrations.

I am frustrated with the addict because he seriously affects our family relationships.
Relationships within the family or group when dealing with an addict can be very difficult. I find that the addict that I must deal with seems to have the attitude that everything must be done for him or at least in consideration of  him. It seems to me that all he wants to do is take, take, take, gimme, gimme, gimme, with no thought of what he might contribute.